MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU!!!!

Wow I can not believe I have not blogged on here in almost a whole year. We have had such a bad year that I didn't want to do anything at all much less blog about it. But I have been inspired, renewed, rejuvanated, and grown stronger and I want to tell the world all about it. First of all, if anyone knows me, knows that 2010 was the WORST YEAR of our ENTIRE LIFE!!! Sam and I have been together for over 20 years now and we have NEVER EVER been through what we went through last year. To sum it up~~~~It was the WORST YEAR OF OUR LIFE~~~BUT IT TURNED OUT TO BE THE BEST THING WE HAVE EVER GONE THROUGH!!!!!
Sam was unemployed for the entire year. He lost his job because the man who owned the business he was working for, skipped town and left 4 employees hanging. He could not collect unemployment because the could not find the guy. We went on food stamps. I was the only one working. There were NO JOBS at all for Sam to get. The unemployment rate was at it's highest in history throughout the country. I was working full time and I even picked up a second job (taking care of a child with disabilities in her home). I was working my ass off. Plus taking care of the boys, the house, Sam, etc. you name it!! I was running myself raggid!!! I was so stressed out, I was over worked, lacked sleep, became really really depressed, just trying to keep it all together and keep things going. Meanwhile, Sam became so depressed he would not get up. He would not eat, he would not get out of bed, he would not leave the house for NOTHING!! His self esteem was shot!! He felt inadaquate!! He was so stressed that he went almost a whole week without eating, or getting out of bed for nothing!! He got to the point that he wanted to kill himself. He wanted end it all. The bills were pileing up, the money was going quick, the bill collectors were calling, my wages were threatened to be attached, his truck got repoed. He was loosing it and I was loosing it along with him. The more he laid around and did nothing the more I worked and got pissed off about the whole situation. Fighting all the time, leaving all the time, never wanting to come home to this mess. The boys were in the middle of it and they thought we were going to get a divorce, believe me I was heading that way!! Then one day, I decided to GIVE IT ALL UP!!! I parked my van in a park, cried my eyes out, screamed for help, and PRAYED TO GOD to take this all away!!!! I prayed for GOD to HELP ME, HELP US, Take all this away because I could not handle it anymore. They say God does not give you more then you can handle and when you can't handle it anymore, give it back up to GOD and he will carry it for you. So that's what I did. 3 hours parked in my van, by myself with GOD!!! I realized at that moment that Sam NEEDED HELP!! He was not going to get up or do anything anymore without some kind of help. So when I got home, I contacted the suicide hotline, told them all about Sam. Asked them for some help with him and had them come into the house to help him. They came in, talked to him for like 2 hours and talked to us together and from that moment on Sam realized that what he had was a real problem and he had to come out of it or he was going to loose it all including his life. He agreed to get help, see a doctor, get some medicine, and try and get out of the funk he was in. So he started medicine, started to feeling better, started to look for a job again. Started to see some life in him again. THEN he had a STROKE! Wow Talk about a rude awaking!!! HE was in the hospital for 4 days, and thank GOD did not suffer any side effects. Came home and went back to looking for a job again. Within 3 weeks of getting out of the hospital, he was offered a job at a grocery store right up the road from us, within walking distance. He started there part time, over night, unloading trucks, stocking shelves. Stuff like that. The manager said to him after 90 days if you work out and we like you, we will see what we can do about giving you full time. Exactly 11 days later, the manager comes to him says someone had to quit because they were moving out of state and offered Sam Full Time with OVER TIME!! So now Sam is still working there, loving every minute of it. Works more then 40 hours a week, gets at least 8-10 hours a week over time at time and half. He is still taking his medicine and doing better then he has done in years. Those who know him, know what I am talking about.
They say that situations like this can either make you or break you. Well this whole situation that we were in has TOTALLY MADE US STRONGER THEN WE HAVE EVER BEEN IN OUR ENTIRE LIFE!!! We have learned so much, grown so much, appreciated so much, valued so much, and are two totally totally different people because of it. And I have to THANK GOD for EVERYTHING because if it wasn't for him, who knows where we would be today!!!